Have a laugh

I don't know if anyone else will find this stuff funny, but it took me a while to write it down last night, so I'm gonna type it out and share it with you all, cos I think it's hilarious. Of course, it's funnier when you watch people actually singing and acting it out on The Late Show, but since a lot of my poor friends have lead a sheltered life and not been exposed to the comedy geniuses that are the Working Dog crew, I have decided to put the funniest sketches from The Late Show onto my blog for all to see ;o) (And just for the record, I'm not a wog - but there's nothing wrong with wogs anyways. This is just a funny sketch)

Things Wogs Don't Do
I don't eat curry
I don't eat jam
I don't drink cidar
and I don't like spam
I've never tasted vegemite, tinned spaghetti or activite
I don't go camping in a combi van
I've got heaps of uncles, but none called Stan
My father doesn't play no golf
When I was small I hated Rolf
I've never joined a protest march
My garden is devoid of grass
There is a zipper on my shoe
Sidewalk surfing no can do
I don't believe in Fletcher Jones, credit cards or tasteful homes
My furniture's not made of pine
And what the hell is Leapfrow wine?!
I don't read books by Maxy Walker
I can't say words like STRUTH! or CORKER!
I won't stick braces on my kids or tell them that the wrestling's rigged
Quiet wedding, cricket matches
Bungee jumping, elbow patches
Health farms, antiques, pride of Erin
Girls called Sharon, songs by Dylan
Carwash, mouthwash, acting college
Boy scout, your shout, eating porridge
These are things us wogs would never do
Oh, and we also don't like watching channel 2

'We've run out of Melbourne Cliches' by Things of Stone and Wood (this one is for my Melbourne living friends :o) enjoy!)

How could I forget that day?
Yeah, how we walked along the Yarra
To the MCG, and then to the tennis centre
Through the Bourke Street Mall,
and down the Block Arcade
Caught the 96 tram to St Kilda Esplanade
Saw the Westgate Bridge,
from the top of Flinders Street clocks
Saw the new yanks real clear,
from the foot of Mt Dandenong!

We've just run out of Melbourne cliches (oh no! oh no!)
We've just run out of Melbourne cliches (oh no! oh no!)

So we went along,
to the Victorian tourist bureau
Got heaps of ideas for places we'd never even been to
Like Sovriegn Hill and Hillsville Sanctuary!
The Brighton Sea Baths and some kiosk at the end of a pier
We went down to a place,
I think it was Captain Cook's cabin!
We're not all that sure, but at least it rhymes with Moorabbin

Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)
Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)
Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)

Oh yeah, got one more...(pic of Luna Park)

What's all that about?

We were sitting home one Sunday with a mate of ours called Kevin. We had the tv on and it was stupid channle 7. Suddenly Kev tells us "It's time for the Main Event!" We watched it for ten minutes then turned to Kev and said: "What all that about?"

We went walking down the shops to get a couple of Choc Wedges. We saw one of those posters up for Benson and Hedges. The one that has a lightbulb talking to a piece of bread. We looked at it for half an hour then we simply said: "What's all that about?"

Then we went to see a film to pass the time away. It was one of those arty ones by Peter Greenaway. All about a zebra and a pair of naked men. After seven hours I heard (cough cough) and then: "What's all that about?"

Later on we went to hear a speech by that John Hewson. After half an hour we could feel our belts loosen. He talked about his fight back package and his GST, but there was only one response as far as we could see: "What's all that about?"

After that we went to see a concert by The Cure, but sadly 15 minutes was all we could endure. The lead singer seemed quite depressed, he looked like he was dead. Halfway through the second song we turned around and said: "What's all that about?"

So we took a quiet drive out through the countryside, but pretty soon we found ourselves looking quite mystified. 'Cos tourists were all queueing up to see a giant worm. We looked at one another and had to use the term: "What's all that about?"

Pretty soon we were strolling through a quiet city mall. We came across something that never fails to appall. Students who strictly do theatre lit. I think you can imagine how the crowd reaction went: "What's all that about?"

We had a friend called Barry, he's demonically possessed. So we got some holy water and we tried to have him blessed. But the priest came in, Barry spewed, then he spun his head. The priest, he looked at us and very softly said: "What's all that about?"

Now even though this song could go another 20 verses, we really oughta stop before its impact all disperses. 'Cos right now lots of viewers are sitting there at home. They're calling up the ABC and asking down the phone: "What's all that about?"

Dickhead Tonight - you all remember that stupid ad for Chicken Tonight on tv where everyone woud flap their arms and proclaim that they felt like Chicken Tonight? right?

Wife: "What's the matter darling?"
Husband: "Oh I dunno, it's this commercial, it's just too sensible!"
Wife: "Well then, why not try adding some of this?"
Husband: "Dickhead Tonight?"
Wife: "Yes, it's the new chicken sauce that makes everyone say..."
Everyone: "I feel like a dickhead tonight, like a dickhead tonight, dickhead tonight."
Voice over (the ever reliable Tony Martin): Dickhead Tonight. Choose from 6 idiotic flavours that'll have you say: "I feel like a dickhead tonight! Like a dickhead tonight!"
Son: "Mum? Can we have Dickhead Tonight tomorrow?"
Voice over: Dickhead Tonight, the sauce that makes you act like a chicken and look like a dickhead. Dickhead Tonight!

Listening to: Insensitive by Jan Arden on the Blue Heelers soundtrack
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