More funnies

Just a random piece of laughter cos I have always found this hilarious (It helps I suppose that I am from Perth myself, so sorry all you readers who aren't lol) and cos it is 1:%0am and I should be in bed and I can't be bothered writing a proper blog post.

Perth School Humour


So, just how many people does it take to change a light bulb? We put the question to the students of Perth, and here's how they replied:

Aquinas - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
Kelmscott High - Eighteen. One to notice it is broken, one to tell the teacher, one to write permission slips for the students, one to get a new bulb, one to get a chair, one to replace the bulb, four aboriginals to walk past and abuse the bulb changer, six students to swear at the aboriginals, one to suspend the abusers, and one to write the suspension notices
Gosnells High - 76. One person to throw a chair and break the bulb, one to be hit by the chair, one to call that guy a dickhead, one to stab the name caller, twelve aboriginals to start stabbing everyone in the class, thirty two police to control the aboriginals, eight paramedics to treat the injured, three to counsel the students, one replacement teacher, two security guards to secure the classroom, one to see the broken light bulb, three to hold up Corfield deli for a new globe, and one to replace the broken globe
PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
MLC - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter than PLC's.
Guildford Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.
Perth College - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Guildford Grammar boys are definitely going to be there.
Governor Stirling Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.
St Hilda's - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
Hale - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
Murdoch Uni - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.
Mercedes College - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.
Kwinana - Twenty. All Aboriginal. One to hijack the Transperth bus to get to the Hub to get one off of another whose just held up the store at knifepoint and stolen it, six to surround the bus from the Hub and 'smash' anyone who looks at them funny, whilst calling them 'white cunts', one to bash the security guard who turns up at the school suspicious, and one to install the light globe. He then pisses on it and short circuits it, and another ten have to start the process again coz the others have nicked off into the bush with some cones and a jerry can.
Trinity - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
Swan Valley Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter..blah blah f**kin blah...
Curtin Uni - Five. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that controls the switch, one to rig the vending machine
Safety Bay Senior High School- Eight. Six crazy girls dressed in black, and war paint on a mission. One doing the happy-dance, one driving the getaway vehicle, one holding the spray-paint cans, one saying how light bulbs are dolphin-friendly, two on the lookout, talking gibberish... then we run up & spray-paint the table, umm I mean change the light bulb... and two teachers to walk past saying Make sure u don't get any paint on those clothes."
St. Norbert College - Everyone. A group in the toilets to break the blue light so they can see their veins to shoot up.The staff to announce the breakage in the bulletin. The P&F and Student Council to organise a fete to raise money for the bulb over a period of ten years with an added 'bulb levy' on school fees. The Norbetine brothers to officiate the bulb-changing ceremony in front of the school body at which a speech is made on how the change has affected the school and its spititual journey.
WAAPA - Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
CBC Fremantle - None. They're all too drunk to notice.
Edith Cowan Uni - Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
Applecross Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the Sunday Times about how she did it as well as any private school student. Or none because everyone was killed when the buildings fell apart.
Swanview High - None. They're all down at Midland station having a ciggie.
Eastern Hills Senior High - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress and ultimately lay the SwanView chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf Midland Station.
Mirrabooka High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.
UWA - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.
Bond Uni - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.
Central College of TAFE - 20. One to change the bulb, two to pop down to the markets to buy wool to make a macrame jacquard shade for it in the new season's colours, one to photograph the naked bulb in - situ from 300 angles, three to arrange the art exhibition for the jacquard shade, the rest to make vapid comments and drink Great Western 'champagne' at the opening. Muresk Agricultural College - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.
New Norcia College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
St Brigid's College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the Mazenod boys about it.
Mazenod - Three, one to get word around that the St Brigid's girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the local public school boys to the St Brigid's party.
Christ Church Grammar School - None. It's too hard to find a new globe with their Armani sunglasses on.
Prendiville - Seven. one to insist it doesnt need to be on and the other 6 to continue their deviant sexual behaviour.
John Curtin Senior High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out. Balga Senior High School - Five. One to change it and four to cruise the street for the perfect Puff Daddy style outfit to steal off someone to wear for the occasion.
Bunbury Senior High - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Target and nick new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Girrawheen Senior High School - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case. Mirrabooka High - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about Mirrabooka High Rockingham Senior High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps.
Notre Dame Uni - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.
Perth Waldorf Steiner School - One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.
Penhros - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.
Perth Modern - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express in words and music how they feel about the change.
St Mary's Anglican Girls School - The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the other schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.
UWA Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.
Iona Presentation College - Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it. Scotch College - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
Balcatta High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.
Maddington Senior High School - fifteen. Ten are needed to break into a house steal a light bulb, TV, VCR, Playstation, stereo and anything else that fetches a good price from the local dealer, and five to break into the school change the light bulb and again steal anything of value.
Lumen Christi College - none, they'd just ignore it and put it on the list for everything else to be fixed.
Thornlie Senior High School - go after someone else, stab them for the light bulb then defend it in your "territory".
Winthrop Baptist - Two. One to change the bulb and one to make sure that Somerville doesn't 'borrow' it.
Somerville Baptist - None. It's Winthrop's building. Emmanuel Catholic College - None. they're all too busy staring at the yr 10 babe's g-strings.
John Forrest Senior High- None. You don’t need light globes on a cricket pitch.

An official P Plater

Hurray! You're reading the blog of an official licensed driver right now! :o) I passed the Hazard Perception Test today and have my P Plates now, my drivers licence is getting made as we speak and will be in my mail box within the next 3-5 working days and I have a paper licence to get me through until then. No more log book! No more supervised driving! Hail the driving gods who allowed me to pass today!






Hmmm now I just need to get me some wheels ;o)


Listening to: I've Had The Time of My Life - Dirty Dancing Sydney cast recording
Support those living in poverty. Make poverty history www.makepovertyhistory.com.au

Congrats Jackie!

Jackie is....


Hurray! :o)

Have a laugh

I don't know if anyone else will find this stuff funny, but it took me a while to write it down last night, so I'm gonna type it out and share it with you all, cos I think it's hilarious. Of course, it's funnier when you watch people actually singing and acting it out on The Late Show, but since a lot of my poor friends have lead a sheltered life and not been exposed to the comedy geniuses that are the Working Dog crew, I have decided to put the funniest sketches from The Late Show onto my blog for all to see ;o) (And just for the record, I'm not a wog - but there's nothing wrong with wogs anyways. This is just a funny sketch)

Things Wogs Don't Do
I don't eat curry
I don't eat jam
I don't drink cidar
and I don't like spam
I've never tasted vegemite, tinned spaghetti or activite
I don't go camping in a combi van
I've got heaps of uncles, but none called Stan
My father doesn't play no golf
When I was small I hated Rolf
I've never joined a protest march
My garden is devoid of grass
There is a zipper on my shoe
Sidewalk surfing no can do
I don't believe in Fletcher Jones, credit cards or tasteful homes
My furniture's not made of pine
And what the hell is Leapfrow wine?!
I don't read books by Maxy Walker
I can't say words like STRUTH! or CORKER!
I won't stick braces on my kids or tell them that the wrestling's rigged
Quiet wedding, cricket matches
Bungee jumping, elbow patches
Health farms, antiques, pride of Erin
Girls called Sharon, songs by Dylan
Carwash, mouthwash, acting college
Boy scout, your shout, eating porridge
These are things us wogs would never do
Oh, and we also don't like watching channel 2

'We've run out of Melbourne Cliches' by Things of Stone and Wood (this one is for my Melbourne living friends :o) enjoy!)

How could I forget that day?
Yeah, how we walked along the Yarra
To the MCG, and then to the tennis centre
Through the Bourke Street Mall,
and down the Block Arcade
Caught the 96 tram to St Kilda Esplanade
Saw the Westgate Bridge,
from the top of Flinders Street clocks
Saw the new yanks real clear,
from the foot of Mt Dandenong!

We've just run out of Melbourne cliches (oh no! oh no!)
We've just run out of Melbourne cliches (oh no! oh no!)

So we went along,
to the Victorian tourist bureau
Got heaps of ideas for places we'd never even been to
Like Sovriegn Hill and Hillsville Sanctuary!
The Brighton Sea Baths and some kiosk at the end of a pier
We went down to a place,
I think it was Captain Cook's cabin!
We're not all that sure, but at least it rhymes with Moorabbin

Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)
Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)
Got no more Melbourne cliches! (oh no! oh no!)

Oh yeah, got one more...(pic of Luna Park)

What's all that about?

We were sitting home one Sunday with a mate of ours called Kevin. We had the tv on and it was stupid channle 7. Suddenly Kev tells us "It's time for the Main Event!" We watched it for ten minutes then turned to Kev and said: "What all that about?"

We went walking down the shops to get a couple of Choc Wedges. We saw one of those posters up for Benson and Hedges. The one that has a lightbulb talking to a piece of bread. We looked at it for half an hour then we simply said: "What's all that about?"

Then we went to see a film to pass the time away. It was one of those arty ones by Peter Greenaway. All about a zebra and a pair of naked men. After seven hours I heard (cough cough) and then: "What's all that about?"

Later on we went to hear a speech by that John Hewson. After half an hour we could feel our belts loosen. He talked about his fight back package and his GST, but there was only one response as far as we could see: "What's all that about?"

After that we went to see a concert by The Cure, but sadly 15 minutes was all we could endure. The lead singer seemed quite depressed, he looked like he was dead. Halfway through the second song we turned around and said: "What's all that about?"

So we took a quiet drive out through the countryside, but pretty soon we found ourselves looking quite mystified. 'Cos tourists were all queueing up to see a giant worm. We looked at one another and had to use the term: "What's all that about?"

Pretty soon we were strolling through a quiet city mall. We came across something that never fails to appall. Students who strictly do theatre lit. I think you can imagine how the crowd reaction went: "What's all that about?"

We had a friend called Barry, he's demonically possessed. So we got some holy water and we tried to have him blessed. But the priest came in, Barry spewed, then he spun his head. The priest, he looked at us and very softly said: "What's all that about?"

Now even though this song could go another 20 verses, we really oughta stop before its impact all disperses. 'Cos right now lots of viewers are sitting there at home. They're calling up the ABC and asking down the phone: "What's all that about?"

Dickhead Tonight - you all remember that stupid ad for Chicken Tonight on tv where everyone woud flap their arms and proclaim that they felt like Chicken Tonight? right?

Wife: "What's the matter darling?"
Husband: "Oh I dunno, it's this commercial, it's just too sensible!"
Wife: "Well then, why not try adding some of this?"
Husband: "Dickhead Tonight?"
Wife: "Yes, it's the new chicken sauce that makes everyone say..."
Everyone: "I feel like a dickhead tonight, like a dickhead tonight, dickhead tonight."
Voice over (the ever reliable Tony Martin): Dickhead Tonight. Choose from 6 idiotic flavours that'll have you say: "I feel like a dickhead tonight! Like a dickhead tonight!"
Son: "Mum? Can we have Dickhead Tonight tomorrow?"
Voice over: Dickhead Tonight, the sauce that makes you act like a chicken and look like a dickhead. Dickhead Tonight!

Listening to: Insensitive by Jan Arden on the Blue Heelers soundtrack
Support Doctors Without Borders www.msf.org.au

I'm freeeeeeee!

Officially finished uni for the year tonight at approximately 8:20pm! Hurrah! That was the time I finished my exam and walked out of that darn room. Oh god it felt great! I don't think I did very well, but who cares! I only need to pass three out of four units and I reckon I passed all my other three, so no worries. And who cares about literature...its stuffed, I am so never doing it again.
It feels so unbelieveably great to be on holidays right now. I cannot get over it. No more study, no more assignments to hand in, no more essays to write, no more bloody research to do....omg it's the greatest feeling ever. This afternoon when I was procrastinating I went onto Rosanna's blog and she was rubbing it in how she'd finished her VCE and all the things she could now do and how great it felt. It was making me go insane with jealousy (and it's all your fault Rosanna! lol!) but now I am all good cos I am in exactly the same position.

Ahhh the things I can do now! I was listing them off on my fingers in the shower just a while ago. I can put allllllll my energy into dancing and get cracking onto all my costumes and all the glittering they require by Sunday and there's nothing more that I love than concert preparation. I live for it! :o) And I can finally get into doing some work for Starlight and at Carols. And I must book an appointment at the Bloodbank so I can get back into donating again (I haven't gone for months and I feel so bad!), and I have to go to Centrelink - this is a Mum nag task - to get a healthcare card, I can finally do that marty Sacks bio for Jackie, and then do all the other ones I planned to do months ago (they go in order after Marty Sacks ;o) After Marty I will do Will McInnes, then Tasma Walton, then Grant Bowley I think. Might do Anne Burbrook after that only cos it should be a short one, cos what has she been in apart from BH?). I can finally write another long awaited long overdue edition of McAullay Weekly for Steff, I can finish all my half finished fanfics, and then get onto all the new ones I thought of today whilst procrastinating from studying....and that's only half of it!

Ahhh on the subject of procrastinating (I know you can relate to this Rosanna!) I did some major procrastinating over the weekend and yesterday and today. See it all started pretty much on Sunday night when we went out to diner to farewell Kyle. We went to the Hogs Breath Cafe (new experience....was impressed but also was not). Anyways! It' s just like a Lone Star, there is all this crap on the walls, but it is cool crap like surfboards and hub caps and guitars and things like that. And all along the rafters on the roof were American number plates and I was having a dandy time reading them all. And then we got onto a conversation about them and Dad mentioned how there were 50 American states and since I am pretty good at general knowledge, later that night when I was studying I decided to see how many American states I could remember. Turns out I could only name about 25 which I thought was a bismal effort. But on Monday I was procrastinating again and decided to get out the encyclopedia and see all the names of all the states written down ;o) So now I have done my homework and I shall test my knowledge here and see how many I can remember off the top of my head right now, 4 hours after an exam that completely fried my brain (I have a feeling I might be surprised at how much I can remember that isn't literature material. Darn it, why can I always remember the stuff I really don't ned?!)
1. West Virginia
2. Virginia
3. Idaho
4. Alabama
5. Iowa
6. Texas
7. Rhode Island
8. New York
9. Massachusetts
10. Nebraska
11. Georgia
12. South Dakota
13. North Dakota
14. South Carolina
15. North Carolina
16. Kentucky
17. Wisconsin
18. Wyoming
19. Louisiana
20. California
21. Hawaii
22. New Hampshire
23. Vermont
24. Arkansas
25. Arizona
26. Michigan
27. Ohio
28. Oklahoma
29. Washington
30. Montana
31. Mississippi
32. Minnesota
33. ok I'm scratching now...ummmm oh Alaska!


OK that's all I can remember! :o( Another bismal effort, but now I've just gone and got my sheet of paper that I wrote them all down on last night and here are the ones I missed

34. Utah
35. New Jersey
36. Oregon
37. Colorado
38. Delaware
39. Missouri
40. Maine
41. Indiana
42. Illinois (I knew there were heaps more 'I' ones dammit!)
43. Florida
44. Nevada
45. Tennessee
46. Connecticut (home of the Babysitters Club, lol!)
47. New Mexico
48. Maryland
49. Pennsylvania
50. and Kansas! How could I forget Kansas!


So there you go, anyone whose reading this now knows all 50 US states! You're set for a pop quiz, lol!

But seriously, that's how extreme I go with my procrastinating! It's lucky I don't have many exams this semester (Tonight's was my only one) otherwise I would've procrastinated my life away! I actually wanted to put on my Late Show Champagne edition dvd and watch the 'We've run out of Melbourne cliches' sketch and copy down all the words just for a laugh and as a special gift to any body I know who lives in Melbourne and who might read this blog. I still plan to do that though, don't worry. And now I can do that without feeling guilty cos there's no need to study anymore! I'm also going to watch the 'What's all that about?' sketch Tony and Mick did and copy down the words for that and put them in this blog cos it is deliriously funny. Everyone should get into The Late Show hey, it is Australia comedy at its best!



Anyways! More news on the me front...this past weekend was Telethon and as always I was glued to the tv all Saturday night watching (it was the next best option cos I couldn't go and be apart of the audience) and I got to talk to Simone! OMFG! Wowsers, it was so great :o) I was stoked! For all non Perthites....let me just tell you....that never happens! You never get to talk to any of the stars when you ring up and donate to Telethon. I've been trying for more than a decade! But on my second call I got to speak to her! Mother of god I was floating, shaking, just so over the moon and amazed that I was actually getting to speak to Simone. I was all tongue tied and speechless but we managed to have a nice little convo. She wouldn't reveal anything about the Blue Heelers season finale, but nevertheless it was great. I mentioned how I was supposed to be studying for my literature exam and also how we met last year when she came over for Telethon and after I hung up I threw my uni books aside and started writing a letter to her, mentioning all the stuff we'd just talked about and so hopefully when she gets it she'll remember me enough to want to reply. Dammit after three letters I want a reply!
Anyways...after all that hyper excitement (ohhh so many late night texts to Bec, Elle and Steff haha!) on Sunday I went to Dirty Dancing with Mum, and just loved it. We had such good seats, I swear when she booked them she told me we were right at the back in the dress circle row R or something, but turns out we were in the lounge like 6 rows from the front! WTF?! I was like 'Did they send you someone elses tickets?!' but we sat there and no one came to kick us out so they mustn't have!
The show was fantastic, I can't believe it took me 19 years to see the movie...what a serious lapse of judgement on my part. No matter that I'd seen Pretty Woman sixteen hundred times (that, like Dirty Dancing is a classic) - I hadn't seen Dirty Dancing until a few months ago! So glad we went to the show. I bought the soundtrack and we listened to it all the way home, lol, singing along to 'I've Had the Time of My Life' :o) I can't get enough of that song...it's a classic too ;o) And Hungry Eyes..makes me think of Hungry Jacks I swear! Did that song used to be in a Hungry Jacks ad?!
Oh and just in case anyone wants to know, the end is the best. You shoud've heard the crowd GO OFF when Johnny came onto the stage and goes 'Nobody puts Baby in a corner' Oh it was gorgeous....and then they did the lift at the end, just like in the movie. Yet again, your ear drums burst because of the noise from the crowd...but that didn't matter cos I was cheering and screaming too. I reckon that last scene must've been the absolute best for the performers to do!

Ahhhh wowsers, that's about all...actually no I have more, but it's 12:25am and I haven't watched todays classic BH episode and I just remembered I have a packet of Twisties in my bag that I got from the vending machine at uni whilst waiting for Mum and I didn't get a chance to eat them so I can eat them whilst I'm watching BH! It was a good episode today too, hurray!

Listening to: Heart's On Fire - John Farnham
Support the Red Cross - give blood, save a life www.giveblood.redcross.org.au

The trials and tribulations of working in a cafe

Man we truly get some freaks as customers. I must do a Rosanna here and spell out some classic conversations I've had the last few weeks at work. They make me roll my eyes...sorry if they don't anyone whose reading this...but who cares, this is my blog ;)

Like today for example...
Courtney: Your meal was $10.45 sir
Man: Why? It was just a turkish bread
Courtney: But you had a whole piece of fish in it. The fish alone is $6
Man: I didn't have a whole piece of fish
Cherie (cook): Yes you did sir
Man: So you charge me $10.45 for that?
Cherie: You had it in turkish bread, with salad and chips on the side. It's a very reasonable price
Man: Where's the manager? I want him to be here when I pay
Courtney: I'm sorry he's not here right now
Man: But this price is outrageous!

At this point all of us working in the cafe just wanted to go off at him and say a whole string of obscene words that included our defence that we didn't make up the prices and that he did have fish in turkish bread (like who the hell does that? What a way to ruin turkish bread) which is not just any old bread, and that we didn't really care if he disliked the price and that he was never coming back cos we couldn't care less about customers like him. We seriously don't care if you never come back. It means we don't have to deal with your loserness again. Suits us just fine :D

Conversation 2...
Random ugly blonde woman: Are you still open?
Me: Ahhh no I'm sorry we're closed (the time is 5:10pm, and we close at 5pm)

Now a relatively short convo yes (had it been any longer I would have most certainly strangled her) but I just want to point out here how thick some people in this world are! Like ok, it's quarter past five, the shopping centre is emptying out, we've turned the bloody lights off, the floor is wet from its recent end of the day mopping, the coffee machine is off, the coffee grinder is off, the cakes are wrapped, the fridges are locked, there is no food in the bain marie, the tables are all vacant and have been bought in from outside, we have bags of rubbish about to be taken out to the bin in the middle of the serving floor...gee does it look like we're still gonna make you your flat white?! Oh yeah sure...we'll turn everything back on and work an extra half an hour and open all over again just so you can have a take away coffee. yeah, just for you. Like hello! Use your common sense! Unfortunately this seems to happen every Saturday afternoon (oh and every Thursday night too). There is always some unbelievably stupid person who thinks we stay open after closing time.

Conversation 3...(wow I'm really coming up with these well now, they are all flooding back)
Woman: Do you have any hotdogs?
Me: We do, but the kitchen is closed now, I'm sorry.
Woman: Oh (she looks like her life has ended just because we can't make her a hotdog)
Me: We stop serving meals at a quarter to four. We're still doing chips and wedges though and coffee and cake.
Woman: Oh...no we want a hotdog
Me: (I'm being kind spirited here and trying to help her out) Well if you go across to the icecream place over there, they sell hotdogs I think (even though I imagine they're the sort of ones Tony Martin mentions in the Late Show which is not a good thing)
Woman: Can we eat it in here? I want to get a coffee too
Me: Ahhh actually...let me just ask. Robert, if she buys a hotdog at the icecream place can she eat it in here? She's going to have a coffee too.
Robert: She can sit on the outside, that's all
Me to the woman: You can eat it here, no worries, as long as you sit on one of the outside tables
Woman rolls her eyes rudely at me: But I'm going to have a coffee from here (I nod and she rolls her eyes again) OK I'll have a flat white, a small chips and a blueberry muffin. We'll be back in five minutes
Me: Sure (I write down her order and give it to Robert)
25 minutes later she and her daughter return (and their food has been sitting in the bain marie in a vain attempt to keep it warm). Thankfully they sit on the outside tables. But like seriously, does she not have any common sense about business. Like there's a reason you can't eat Hungry Jacks in a McDonald's restaurant. It doesn't look good for McDonald's does it? And also gives the impression you can do and eat what you like in McDonald's restuarants. And McDonalds isn't the only place that doesn't want to look like that. Hence the reason you cannot buy a hotdog at Creamy Island and eat it in our cafe. We prefer you eat our food, not Creamy Islands' (I guess it's a competitive world out there ;)) And darn it, if you're gonna sit in our chairs and strew sugar all over our tables then you better be eating our food, not someone elses. These seats don't come cheap you know ;)

OK, one final convo just to annoy Mum because I'm still on the computer so late...

Me: One turkey foccacia?
Customer: Yes, that's mine (I place it down in front of her)
Customer: You know, I really do not appreciate having my coffee so soon before my meal. It's almost gone cold
Me: Oh I'm sorry. We can bring you your coffee with your meal or after your meal, you just need to let us know when you place your order.
Customer: Well I didn't think to
Me: *well whose fault is that?* I apologise,...if you let us know next time we can bring you your coffee when your meal comes out. You just need to let us know *and with that I walk away not willing to hear anything more of what she has to say.*
I mean it's like if you order steak and then you get it and you say 'oh I really felt like chicken'. It's like why the fark would you order steak then? It's nobodies fault but your own.

Anyways, listen to me, man am I bitching tonight Apologies to anyone whose reading this for a bit of light hearted positivity. So on with the rest of the bulletin ;)
Uni is still crazy although I officially finished on Friday (yay no more classes! :D). I got back my second lit essay and surprise surprise 12 out of 30 again *sniff* I was annoyed, although I was expecting it. Travis wrote this huge comment on it about how I hadn't really analysed and stuff and wanted to organise a meeting with me. So I spoke to him after the tute and straight away was like 'I'm not a lit sort of person ok? I can't write like this. I don't understand this stuff. Give me a film to review or a feature article to write and I'm in heaven, but I'm not with lit. There's just too much journalist in me' haha. Still had a huge talk with him though and ended up missing numerous buses to get me home. Also scheduled a meeting for Thursday morning to discuss me redoing the essay. (I have to say I am grateful he's given me another chance). So anyways I dreaded this meeting alll Tuesday night, Wednesday and Wednesday night and I only really went because I wanted to drop into JBHiFi on the way to uni on Thursday so I could get the BH season 1 dvd (and what a fine dvd it is isn't it JackieRosannaElleCatAllmyotherBHbuddies?). Anyways, so turns out I have to completely redo the essay. No just vamping up the old one, I actually have to write a whole new 1500 word essay. He did give me the option to not do it at all, but his blind faith in me sort of made me want to redo it. He must've said about 4 times how much he didn't want me to fail the unit, especially since I've been at every single lecture and tute bar 1. He said he understood if I couldn't be bothered (cos apparently people do that all the time??) but I told him it would be nice to pass the unit (although god help me for the exam. I don't think I can pass that!) So yeah, I'm redoing the essay. He even wrote me out an essay plan! I actually think it will help me...it's pretty comprehensive. But I had to rent out Mulan and watch that tonight cos I have to use that in the essay (cos Mulan was a dickhead and dressed up as a man to fight a war and Portia also dressed up as a man to prove herself in the Merchant of Venice, which is what my essay is supposed to be about) Anyways, thankgod Mulan was a short movie. And I wrote down some quotes. What a good student I am. I haven't begun writing it yet though...or doing the other research he suggested :P Oh well...tomorrow!
But yeah, redoing this essay is a total pain in the arse (even though I know I should be grateful I have been given a second chance). It's due Friday the 11th, the exam is Tuesday the 15th and so yeah...not a lot of time!Although I desperately want to finish it before the exam so that I can walk out of the exam room on Nov 15th at 9pm and scream out my freedom speech knowing I don't still have a lit essay still to do.
Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy we launched our anthology on Friday but I have not shown anyone outside of the clas cos I hate my submission, it is a truly shitty piece of work by me, I could've done so much better but I left it til the last minute of course and just threw togetehr some old story I had stored in my computer to submit. This of course means its just about the shittest piece of writing I've ever done. It's a shame too, as this is the first time I've ever been published. But then again, reading some of the other people's submissions...woah, mine is sort of good compared to theirs (not to sound snobby or anything).
I have more to say but it's 1:51am and I should be in bed (Dad and I are going to make the Christmas pudding tomorrow :) The fruit is soaking in the brandy as I type :) and I also have dancing tomorrow arvo - convention repositioning). It's been a big day for me - I was up just like on uni days (oh the torture) cos I promised TO that I'd help her out with her rehearsal today and it went from 9-12. Same next week, and then on the night of Friday the 18th. Anyways so I went there and then straight to work for 1pm. Bigger Saturday than I usually have. Will discuss the rehearsal in more detail next time ;)

Au revoir!
Me

Support the Cancer Council Western Australia www.cancerwa.asn.au
Listening to: A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson