Sometimes luck does turn around

I have had a shitty couple of weeks. Seriously, they have just been pretty darn crap. And I have had a particularly bad day today, and I didn't want to go to dancing tonight at all. All I wanted to do was sit on my bed and watch my favourite Blue Heelers episode of all time and devour a bar of chocolate and wallow in my own self pity.

But I never miss dancing. Even when I don't want to go, or I'm sick, or I'm tired, or I'm injured, I still go. But I really didn't want to go tonight. But I still went, because ...well, just because.

And I went in, and I was a bit late, and no one else was in the back room and I was slowly putting on my ballet shoes chanting 'I wish I was home I wish I was home I wish I was home' in my head repeatedly. And then AMc came out into the backroom too and she goes 'Hey where have you been? Teacher thought you were doing the classical and wondered where you were.' And I was like 'Me? Classical? She wanted me?' Very hard to believe.

This has been a problem for several concerts in a row now. Classicals just seem to be off limits to me. And the one time I did do one (and the senior classical at that...WTF I hear you all gasping) I was just bloody shocking, honestly. But it was the best year of my life. I sucked so bad at it, but I loved it so much. It was just being there, and being included, and it meant everything to me. No matter that at dress rehearsal I fell off pointe too many times to even mention here and looked awful in my tutu.

But this year the shine has come off dancing for me. For too many reasons to explain here, and all of which are too complicated. But I fear that I have fallen out of love with dancing, which scares the bejebus out of me, because for ages there dancing was my life. And all year long this year I have just been feeling worse and worse and been not wanting to go to dancing more and more (and if you had told me this 3 years ago that I would not want to go to dancing I would have laughed at you for a week for being so ridiculous) and all I have really wanted was for someone to reassure me, or slap me or do something anything to tell me that no, I'm really not as shit as I see myself as.

But then tonight I got to dancing late and they had already started the neo (that I am in) and AMc told me that teacher had been wondering where I was, cos she apparently had my name down to do the classical. And I was shocked. I hadn't really wanted to do a classical dance, or any dance, with my ballet class cos they are all like 15, and I am 20 and yet they all are 3 trazillion times better at dancing than me. Why put myself in a dance with them and just make myself feel worse?! I wasn't killing myself to be in that dance, let me assure you.

But then those thoughts all got pushed aside when I found out teacher actually wanted me in the dance. I didn't get to talk to her about it right then though. I wasn't going to go out of my way and get my hopes up for no reason at all. I have done this way too many times in the past, and I know how much it sucks to be let down. But then after hip hop (which was after ballet) teacher and I walked out into the carpark and she goes: 'So you're not doing the classical Larissa?' and I replied, much to my surprise, with everything I thought in my head but would never ever say out loud to anybody. It was all along the lines of 'Oh I didn't think you'd want me in it...blah blah blah...' and she just about fell over herself telling me that she did.

I wanted to cry. Seriously. I held it down until I got in the car, and then I screamed all the way down Gibberd Road. All year long I have needed her to tell me this, to tell me that I do actually have the talent to dance with everyone else, and I have been unhappy all year long because she never said it and everyday I got more and more down about it cos I just kept thinking that I wasn't good at dancing at all. I still know I'm not, but at least I can try to 'mix it with the best'.

People don't realise how much compliments and kind words can just make someone's day. This example has just about made my week actually. I was so down on my luck and in such a bad mood this afternoon, and then I went to dancing and it all changed. I danced and I felt good dancing again. Dance has always been able to lift me out of a bad mood, but this year it has failed to do that because I haven't been enjoying dancing as much as I used to. But tonight I finally got back to enjoying it again. It felt so great. I have really missed loving dancing.

So it sounds lame and cliched and all that stuff, but sometimes your luck does turn around. Sometimes people will surprise you, like teacher surprised me today. 'You've been in ballet all year, you know what the steps are when I say them' she said, nodding her head vigouressly. It was all it took to convince me. 'If you think I can...' She smiled. 'Of course you can.'

So I'm gonna do it.

YAY!

Ruth Tarvydas

This is officially the best dress ever and I want to wear it to my 21st

To the bone

I feel like I have been working my fingers to the bone lately! No idea why...but I feel like I have. Must be the school holidays...they are making work so busy lately! :( This week at Myer has been ridiculous. I seriously wished I had called in sick on Friday...and Tuesday for that matter, haha. It was just so busy and I never stopped for the entire 7 hours I was there each day. And then, omfg, on Friday we ran out of bread. Can you believe that? How ridiculous! And I copped it from this stupid annoying girl from Portrait Place who rang up to order her lunch. I was like "Sure, as long as you don't want anything concerning bread" and she was all "WTF? You're a cafe, and you don't have bread?!" This was repeated with every single customer that came in between 1 and 3pm. It really was ridiculous. I was like "Can't you just go buy some more bread from Woolies or something Dave?" but he said there was no point....and apparently at Christmas it is always this busy (oh hoorah, something to look forward to NOT), and they always run out of stuff (Dave: "We run out of everything, everyday, at Christmas time"). I was like "Ohhhh EXCELLENT YOU DICKHEAD!"

Sigh, sometimes I wish I had never got myself into the hospitality industry. I have to put up with so much crap like this. Like today...I worked at other cafe the whole day. Now I admit it, I am a lazy slob underneath and I hated working all day (although I always LOVE the pay cheque) because I had to work in the kitchen instead of doing my beloved barista duties. I am doing this as a favour for my bosses as they are short staffed right now, but seriously, kitchen duties are wearing thin on me. And I have to do it until Stepachef gets back from Kuala Lumpur...and then Melbourne and then Rotto! Cheeses Crust!

So yeah...Cherie is ordering me around here there and everywhere, because suddenly, at like 11:30am it got hella busy and didn't stop for like 3 hours. Sigh. And she's teaching me how to make all this stuff and I'm thinking "Why is she teaching me so thoroughly...I hope this doesn't mean I have to stay on kitchen duties forever!" I will die if that happens. Give me back my cappucino machine!

I think I deserve some leniency because I am new to kitchen duties. But no one gets leniency when it's a Saturday morning, every table is full and the place is bursting at the seams. So when I fried up a small and a large wedges and handed them to Cherie, she looked at me like I was dead. "This is enough for 4 larges Larissa...wtf are you doing?!" And then another dead stare when I put the hotdog in the microwave (yeah I know ewww microwaved hotdog), set it for 40 seconds and walked away without pressing START. Sigh. Sometimes I just don't take my brain with me to work.

Anyways...so yeah on top of allllll that, the drains were blocked ALL DAY. Apparently it is all the butchers fault, because they shove their sausage skins and other grotty things down their drains and it finally came back to bite them (and the whole shopping centre) in the butt. We had to limit our water use all day to avoid flooding our kitchen. What a great thing to happen hey?

In other news...I don't have a lot of other news. My autobiography is going nowhere. I can't even get started and it all sounds so shithouse. Sigh. If anyone out there is willing to read some of my crappy autobiography notes please let me know. It might just help.

My fanfic is also going nowhere, especially tonight. But hopefully it will get going soon ;) I have written enough to keep the masses happy for now.

Rosanna, my good Melbournite friend, who would dearly dearly appreciate my above ramblings about life in the hospitality industry, is off to Europe on Sunday. If you're reading this Rosy...I will miss you! Have a great time!

Monette Russo is out of Worlds contention now :( which is a HUGE bit of sad news that I know you are all crying ovr right now, even if you don't know who Monette is (Cry dammit! Cry! It is BAD BAD BAD news!). How depressing. But alas, at the same time as Monette breaks her knee and can't compete at worlds, Nastia sprains her ankle and is out of All Around...which is sort of sucky for the US team, and gives Chellsie Memmel the tank more of a chance to defend her world AA title, and nobody with any sense wants that, but it means that America is almost in as much of a dire position this year gymnastically as Australia is! Snap!

It is almost Christmas....hurrah! Just thought I'd pop that into this useless blog of all blogs. The Christmas store at Myer went up weeks ago now and it is right outside the cafe that I work at there...so I am in heaven of course :) Me being a Christmas nutter and all. I cannot believe it is already October! Not that I am complaining...soon it will be my favourite time of year when there is no uni, no exams, no cold weather and no nothing to look forward to! I hear also that we're having a heat wave next week! How awesome is that! Ahhhhh here comes my tan!

Also did I mention I am joining a gym! No I don't think I did! Well, I have this free two week offer so I am doing that first to see how I go. God knows it is high time I pulled my finger out and stopped being a lazy slob with no self discipline. I even have bought some new runners just for the occasion (well, I sort of had to, since I didn't already own any, hehe). Here's hoping I can keep it up (I sort of reckon the fact that money will be taken directly out of my account every fortnight will MAKE me keep it up. I am most certainly not just going to throw my precious money away!)

Cheeses Crust, that's enough from me...I know you are all wanting to slash your wrists by now after reading all this. Before I end this randomest of random blogs, I want to send good vibes to Pia who has a screwed up dicky knee right now :( Here's hoping for a speedy recovery!

Au Revior!

P.S Can you believe I finally blogged this terrific post that Rosanna would love...and now she's leaving and won't get to read it?! Oh the irony!