....

I haven't really cried yet. Should I have? Well actually that's not entirely true. I did have a huge bawl on Thursday night. But nobody saw, which was how I liked it. Tonight, before I went out for dinner for VG's birthday, I could see myself seeing her and just bursting into tears, but I didn't really want to do that, since it was her night and I didn't want to spoil it. But I could totally picture myself doing that - so much so that I put some make up and eyeliner into my bag just in case I did have to touch myself up if I shed a few tears.

But I didn't. I don't know. It's weird. Half of me felt like I needed to and half of me didn't. it was the first friend I told. And I waited like a day and a half to tell her because I just didn't know what to say. That's why I haven't told anyone else - cos I don't know what to say. I feel bad not telling anyone - Mum says it's ok to be upset - but I also feel like it's no ones business really so that's half of why I haven't told anyone that on Wednesday night my Dad had a heart attack.

I promised myself this wouldn't be something I would blog about...there are just some things I flat refuse to. I wouldn't be a loser and post a thread on BW or anywhere asking everyone to send me their prayers...that's just not me. Like I said I don't feel this is anyone elses business, but at the same time half of me wanted to cry into VG's shoulder tonight.

Bit of a contrast really...Mum has been calling everyone she knows from the moment it happened and our phone has not stopped ringing since. Like seriously, you put it down and it rings again!

So I'm going to stop this blog...don't know why I created such an entry. What good will it do? Maybe I'm overreacting and this isn't such a big deal. Maybe it is. I don't know.